Other People’s Stories: Be More Curious Than Certain in Polarizing Times
As we enter the heart of the upcoming election season, it’s clear that we are all in for another wild ride. I’ve been watching and wondering about the increasing polarization in our country and in our schools, and I’m convinced that most of it is due to a fundamental lack of curiosity - about other people’s stories - and a need to be morally right. Sprinkle in some social media and 24/7 news and you have the perfect distribution channels for this “my side is the right side” sentiment. But behind every opinion, whether we agree with it or we find it reprehensible, there is a personal story and a lived experience that we can get curious about if we want to decrease polarization that we all say we find disheartening and debilitating. How can we open our ears and our hearts to opinions much different than our own?
Deep Listening
If you happened to attend the recent NAIS Annual Conference, you might have had the opportunity to hear the keynote by Professor Michael Sandel who teaches a course on Justice at Harvard that helps students understand complexity and nuance in our beliefs. He shared how the polarized situation we find ourselves in is, in large part, an outcome of a meritocracy that creates a system of winners and losers that perpetuates elitism, moral snobbery and deepens the economic and ideological divides and a lack of listening - deep listening. According to Sandel, institutions of higher education and elite private schools that equate a four year college education with the sole path to success, are all part of the problem. Ironically, many schools that have worked so hard at their diversity equity and inclusion initiatives are now finding themselves at the center of the controversy, attacked for being exclusive of diverse political ideologies and definitions of success by endorsing only one “right” answer to some of the most complex political and social issues of our time.
Empathy in Action
If you are finding yourself in a defensive posture just reading that paragraph, stop. Take a moment to pause and get curious. And most importantly, find someone who wants to tell you that story. The story you least want to hear.
In 2016 Arlie Russell Hochschild published the book Strangers in Their Own Land about residents in Lake Charles, Louisiana who fundamentally felt left behind by the American Dream. Hochschild spent a full year/several years getting to know the local residents in the bayous and listening to the stories of the people. Although many of them lived in a contaminated environment that was literally killing their families, they refused any government support that would help to clean up the toxins in their backyards. It would have been easy to judge the residents of these communities - as they were judged by the wealthier, educated residents of the state and by the government agencies trying to offer aid, but instead Hochschild chose to listen and capture their stories. This book, in retrospect, was a signal of things to come - a warning sign about what happens when people feel unheard and unseen and, more importantly, looked down upon and dehumanized.
What Curiosity Looks Like
We are about to enter yet another national election season where many of our students, teachers and families will have strong opinions and feelings about the outcome. I have an opinion, and if you are reading this, you probably do too. But what if we all used the next few months as an opportunity to listen to stories, opinions and ideas from others without judgment (without agreeing or disagreeing)? What if we just walked away from that story without sharing our opinion or a logical counter argument and instead simply said “thank you”? If you are suddenly overcome with the thought, “but I know I am right, there are just some things that non-negotiable”, remember that this exercise doesn’t require you to change your beliefs or values, but it does ask that you to recognize that not everyone shares that same set of beliefs and that even a shared value may be applied in different ways. As our friends at The Conscious Leadership Group might suggest, let go of your need to be right - universally right. Be okay, with your opinions being right for you but maybe not someone else.
What Schools Can Do
As L+D is preparing to create a new set of Design for Election Season materials for the upcoming election season for schools, we have set out to find the best resources to share. Our favorites all have one thing in common - they are all about listening to other people and listening to their stories and holding others capable of hearing things that they don’t agree with or find uncomfortable with an open and curious mind. Monica Guzman in her book I Never Thought About It That Way, tells her story of her own family - one where she sits on opposite ends of a political spectrum from her immigrant parents who are devoted Trump supporters. She does it through listening without judgment. The organization Starts With Us, which focuses on “overcoming extreme division” offers a 30 day polarization detox filled with opportunities to listen to others in pursuit of “radical compassion.”
This summer, I’ll be attending the Heterodox Academy Conference to learn more about movements in higher education to increase dialogue and stay open to diverse perspectives and ideologies. HXA, co-founded by Jonathan Haidt, Chris Martin and Nick Rosenkranz is “dedicated to advancing the principles of open inquiry, viewpoint diversity, and constructive disagreement as cornerstones of academic and intellectual life” and “that in order to separate good ideas from bad, and to make good ideas better, it is essential for scholars and students to develop the habits of heart and mind necessary to evaluate claims, sources, and evidence; and to reason carefully and compassionately about the world.” This year’s conference June 6-8 in Chicago. Check it out, and if you are coming, let me know. We can learn together.
There are amazing things happening in independent schools in this arena. On my way back from the NAIS annual conference, I had an inspiring conversation with the Head of Waynflete School, Geoff Wagg, who shared what his school, located in Portland, Maine, is doing to create dialogue across political ideologies. Third Thought is an ambitious initiative that reaches well beyond the school campus and across the state. Students and faculty have been trained by Narrative 4, an organization that teaches students how to tell and listen to stories in order to be better leaders in their school communities. These students and teachers have reached out to 14 partner schools in Maine from all different parts of the state - from urban to rural - and with wildly different demographics, to meet to “make connections, build bridges, and engage in civil dialogue on topics that students themselves identify as important in their lives.” Check out this article in theWaynflete Wire. Geoff also offered The Constructive Dialogue Institute, an initiative created by Jonathan Haidt, as another resource. T
Optimistic Futurist
What I love about all of these organizations and school initiatives is that they represent real hope for the future. As an optimistic futurist, I know that we, as individuals and as schools, have agency to build cultures of discourse and can actually teach skills of listening and respectful dialogue. Let’s use the months leading up to and following the election to be actively involved in things that matter to us, but also to listen to (not just hear) the diverse perspectives, and to be more curious than certain and more welcoming and less dismissive of the stories they tell us.
Design for Election Season 2024
We believe that you can have a meaningful and successful election season if you design intentionally for it. After many conversations with school leaders throughout this year, we designed these materials to help build institutional trust with all stakeholders, to deepen human relationshipsthrough conversations and empathy, and to inspire learning about the political process, one another and about oneself. The program is divided into three sections:
Preparation - how you can prepare for critical conversations and situations that might emerge during the season.
Engagement - specific activities to engage students and adults in deeper empathy and learning about diminishing polarization and better listening across perspectives and ideologies.
Action - how students and teachers can take these skills into their own communities and families and spread curiosity and into the world.
We hope many of you will join us this year as we design the election season we want to see in our schools. If you are interested in participating in our Design for Election Season experience this year, you can sign up to be notified when the materials are ready for download on that page or you can check back at the end of May to officially register.
